Dispirited
by tzmoore
Summary: Kakashi has had pain and death follow him wherever he goes. See how he copes with all the things that have happened to him.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

**DISPIRITED**

Kakashi looked at the rain bucketing outside of his window. He felt the rain summed up his feelings perfectly at the moment. One loss after another had pushed him over the edge. From his mother, to his father, to his team and now Sasuke.

Kakashi was sitting down with a kunai in his hand. His lower face which was usually covered by a mask was uncovered. He had cuts all over his jaw and cheeks. His face was full of old self inflicted wounds. Kakashi looked down at the kunai in uncertainty. It had been 12 years since he had last cut himself and he had promised never to do it again.

Many people considered him to be strong. He was an elite ninja. He was considered an A-rank ninja bordering S-rank in most villages. He was the copy cat ninja knowing over one thousand jutsu along with his very own assassination jutsu the chidori. He was feared by many all over the different villages. But what no one knew was that he was emotionally weak and spiritless. Death seemed to surround him everywhere. Anyone he got close to seemed to die or cause him great pain by their actions. His past had made him keep everyone at arms length for fearing what would happen if he let them get close.

A strong person would not rely on cutting himself to get rid of the pain. But then again, Kakashi never considered himself to be strong.

He hesitated for a moment before bringing the kunai up to his cheek. As he slowly allowed the kunai to cut vertically along his cheek, he thought back to his last moments with his mother.

**Flashback**

A 4 year old Kakashi stood in the waiting room of the hospital. His mother had been badly injured on a mission and was in intensive care. A doctor went up to Kakashi and his father. The doctor had told them that they had managed to stem the bleeding but that she had lost too much blood. She wouldn't make it to the morning was the final diagnosis.

Kakashi sat and watched his mother cough out blood while being supported by the nurse.

Kakashi tried to hide the tears as he walked up to his mother.

Before he reached his mother she had fallen unconscious from the pain. She died two hours latter. That's when he understood life was not fair. He did not even get to say goodbye. There were no such things as a fairytale ending

That was the first time he had cut himself. He started to wear a mask after that moment and no one had seen what was under there since. He had also joined the academy the day his mother died.

**End Flashback**

As Kakashi finished cutting a line vertically down his cheek he felt the pain and emotion ebb out of him.

Kakashi then started to make another cut next to his other one while thinking of his father. His father hadn't been around him a lot since his mother died. He took mission after mission leaving Kakashi to fend for himself while at the academy. The day he turned Chunnin he ran home hoping to impress his father. It was the worst mistake he had ever made. When Kakashi arrived home he saw his father face him with a tanto in his hand. He had looked at Kakashi with sorrowful eyes before apologizing and taking his own life in front of Kakashi. That was the second time he had cut himself.

Kakashi finished the cut and made a third one while thinking back upon his first mission as a Jounin. That was the day Obito had met his end. After Kakashi had lost his left eye trying to save Rin Obito had pushed him out of the way of a boulder. Obito's whole left side was crushed and he had given Kakashi his left Sharingan eye before he had died. Kakashi had promised Obito he would take care of Rin. Kakashi had taken care of Rin for weeks before he believed Rin had finished her grieving. While Kakashi gave her some breathing space she had snuck out of the village and headed to Iwa killing as many Iwa shinobi's as she could before committing suicide when she had lost and had been surrounded. That was the third time he had cut himself.

As Kakashi made another cut along his cheek he recalled the last time he had cut himself. It had been 12 years ago when the Kyuubi had attacked the village. He had tried attacking the Kyuubi but it had been useless. His attacks stood no chance against the Kyuubi's mighty power. So he had watched helplessly as his sensei had sacrificed himself to seal the Kyuubi into his son.

As he made another cut onto his face he thought of his latest failure. After failing to protect Rin like he had promised Obito he had decided to help Sasuke as redemption for his failure. He taught Sasuke, trying to make him let go of his anger and forget about vengence but it had been for nothing. Sasuke had left Kakashi and Konoha to go to Orochimaru for power. In the process he had used Kakashi's very own prized technique, the chidori and had stabbed it through his own team mate. Kakashi had failed all of his students when this one act had occurred.

Kakashi looked out the window and saw the sun starting to come up. It was almost morning. Kakashi went to the bathroom and cleaned the blood off his face before putting his mask back on. He looked at the clock to see that it was 6:30. He had to meet Naruto and Sakura at 7 o'clock. As Kakashi showered and got ready he saw it was 7:30.

'Time to go visit Rin, Obito and Sensei at the memorial stone' Kakashi thought while sighing. 'Naruto and Sakura will kill me for being late; I guess I will have to come up with a good excuse'

**At the Memorial Stone**

Kakashi touched the stone while thinking 'I have failed you again Obito. You should have let me die. Wherever I go all I do is leave a trail of pain and suffering'

With that Kakashi left the training grounds ready to greet his students and pretend that life is worth while.

* * *


End file.
